Looking for more.

It's kind of funny how fast life can change. One minute you are on top of the world, living life how you want. Then next you have fallen so far that you don't know how you are even going to get on level ground again. And then you look for ways out, but nothing seems to work out. You look around at how everyone else is living and you don't understand why you just can't get there.

That's kind of where I am. I know what I have and I'm thankful for that. I know that I have it better then some people. But at the same time I'm stuck in this cycle. No car, no money, no job. Without one of those I can't get the others. I like in Knappa. Only way into town is a car. To get a car I need money. To make money I need a job... So I need a car to get to my job. Just one of those things. I'm trying to just let things work out and I'm trying to figure out other ways around this.

I can use my dads car. Which means working only in the evenings. Not a bad thing. Or I can go into town with him in the morning and have him pick me up when I am done. Also not a bad thing. But it gets harder when I get called in or work a back and forth or whatever. It's just those little things that you need to remember. But things will work out. I will get a job and a car and things will go back to the way they should be.

I think right now one of the biggest problems for me is I feel stuck at home. I can't go anywhere or see anyone. I throw on jeans and a shirt everyday, pull my hair up and don't put on make up. I feel fine. But I don't feel alive. I don't feel like me. I need the freedom to go places and see people. I need to do something with my life and not just clean the house everyday. It gets old real fast.

But I'm trying to stay positive. To look at the good side of things and keep pushing myself forward. This just might take some time. And until then I'm still me... just in a funk for a bit, I guess.