Knowing.

It's really weird when you spend so much time learning someone's heart... To then find out that you never really learned anything or they only let you into a certain part of their heart. It's hard to give so much of yourself to someone to then feel like it was all a lie. That the life you built was really just for their entertainment.

I am now learning about my own heart. About a heart of a friend. And about the heart of God. And I'm loving it. I'm feeling pursued by an amazing man who is looking at me with Gods eyes. I couldn't be happier. Or more excited about what my future holds.

Life is amazing.

So my friend and I have been hanging out and talking a lot these past couple of weeks. There have been good conversations and great ones. Easy and hard ones.

I have been having a really hard time the past couple of months knowing that I'm not just needing to look for a boyfriend who could turn into a husband, but a man who will be a good father for Ryder. I have been scared that meeting people will be hard because a lot of guys don't want a girl with a baby. They don't want to take on more then one role.

My friend... Is not like that at all. He has said a few times that he understands what it would mean to be with me. And that he wouldn't have it any other way. He loves Ryder. And Ry loves him very much.

I'm getting excited to find out more about this man. I grew up with him... But this is all new. And it's amazing :)

Starting a new love...

So this last week, I have been talking and hanging out with an old friend. He had been teaching me a lot about letting go of people who have hurt me and finding what I love in life.
We stare at the stars and sit by the fire. Watch movies and never stop asking questions to each other. I can't say I'm falling in love with him just yet. But I am starting to fall in love with life again. I'm not blaming myself for what has happened and I'm done trying to fix something that can't be fixed.

So here is to the new year, a new life and a new love.