This pregnancy.

I am at almost 27 weeks now :) and I'm already reaching that point where I want my own place so I can get everything just how I want it. I am nesting... At least a handful of weeks to early. Lol. I'm loving it and hating it. And I'm also at the point where I can't wait to hold this little girl. I want her in my arms. Safe and sound and happy.

But I'm also struggling with the fact that I am still alone right now. I just need to get my own place and start this little life. Im ready... I just can't jump till my bank account says go. Which might take a bit with the need for baby stuff.

Sleep... Or lack there of.

My brain is always so full these days. I can't shut it off. Which means sleep is getting really hard. I have no friends up here in Portland, no one to sit down and talk to. Face to face. I am stuck in a spot that I hate... I need someone to help me get my thoughts and feelings in order.

This last week has been crazy. Lots of ups and downs. Really? July kind of pretty much sucks. And I don't really have anything to look forward to, which is hard. I mean... October. I'm excited to meet this little girl. And I love everyday with Ry. But my life is stuck in a rut. The same things happen everyday. I am alone. I work. I take care of bug (those are the times I wouldn't change). But no one likes a life that has no direction or drive. I feel like I am just always waiting for the next step to show up. And I hate it.

I keep saying, January. Everything will be different. But why? Because I will be settled into mommy of two? Maybe I will have my own place? A car and all the things I "need"? I don't know. I need to start moving forward now. Start getting my life how I want it now. Which is always a hard thing to do alone, harder with kids. But staying in one place is only hurting all of us. It's not healthy. So I will start tomorrow. Making my life... Mine.