Contractions, sleep and thoughts.

I know that maybe this whole sleep thing has to do with my body getting ready for a lot less of it. But right now... I hate the fact that the best sleep I get is durning nap time. I have the hardest time falling asleep at night. And staying asleep... Forget it. I know soon I will be up every few hours to hold my new baby on my chest and feed her. And I am really excited about that. Nighttime feedings were one of my favorite things with Ryder. But I could use the sleep right now.

Contractions... You would think after having a baby less then 2 years ago my body would not need to remember how to do the labor thing. However, I guess it does. I remember contractions with Ry. For days! Lol. These are a handful of hours. On and off. Maybe once a day. But I'm ready for the real thing. Work is getting hard, walking up stairs. All those things that seemed easy a week or two ago are now things I dread. But soon... I will have a whole new set of little problems to work with. I am however, excited about those :)

As for my thoughts. There is so much going on in not only my life, but the life of all my friends. Some days are a little harder to move forward with. I love them all ad I know the ones close to me understand where I am at and I couldn't be more thankful for them and their understanding. But it's still hard.
This is not where i imagined myself or my little family being. And I know that things take time and things need I be worked out... But I'm ready to get things settled so I can start living the life I want for my kids. So all I can do right now is push all those thoughts aside and make the best of the situation I am in.

2 weeks and 5 days till this little girl is due. The doctors would like me to carry late just so she has some extra time to gain weight. And if that's what she needs I know God will keep her safe in my belly. But He knows I am more then ready to meet her as soon as I can :)

That feeling.

I am... Ready. My baby has dropped. All I want to do is wash, fold, count and organize everything again. I want all my pictures hung on the walls. All my decorations put up.
I am in full nesting mode and needing to pack my hospital bag. I'm not saying that I expect to go into labor before this weekend (even of I would be okay with that) but my body must know its getting close because all those strange mommy things are happening.

I will be super tired and sore. All of a sudden... I have a burst of energy for a few hours and want to make sure everything is done. Then I go back to being tired ( and of course, Ry is the opposite of me. He is never tired but I want to clean at night... While he is sleeping.) that's being a mom.

I'm ready. I have hit that calm. I get paid tonight. So tomorrow will be about picking up the last few things I need to have before she gets here ( I have a baby shower but not for another week or two... So no big things) but some shopping will make me feel a little more ready.

And with that... I say goodnight. I will wait till my cuddle bug wakes up and snuggle him. Because those moments are about to become few and far between. And I will miss this alone time with him. So I'm soaking.

Some mornings.

I could just sit here and watch Ry all day long. He is amazing and smart and full of life. He is in his crib, playing with a toy. Smiling and talking and laughing. Looking at me sometimes with that " watch mama" look. He is so proud when when he gets the ball in the right spot or pushes the button for music.

He amazes me. With everything he does. He is the best thing that has happened to me and I will never be able to thank God enough for his little soul.

Today is a day...

That I can't do it anymore. I have come to the end of my rope and I'm jumping from this one to a new one. I am letting go and just letting things happen right now.

I am lost and confused. Hurt and happy and pregnant and crazy. I'm kinda just... Done. But today is one of those days where I am hurt about everything. And little things make me sad. And little things make me happy. And I can't take these crazy hormones anymore.

4 weeks. I have about 4 weeks left. And then this little one will be here ad a brand new adventure will start. Plus i will be so busy and sleepy and mommy... That for a couple of months I won't have time to think about all my crazy emotions.

So crazy pregnant rant. And I'm done or the night. I'm going to bed. I'm going to go grab a heating pack, roll up a pillow for under my lower back/hips and I'm going to wait till I am almost asleep... Then grab my baby and snuggle. Because he is the best thing in this whole world.