Weekends.

This last "weekend", which was a Thursday- Saturday for me, was amazing.
I am sitting in a Starbucks in Portland sending emails and checking up on orders for baby things. My stroller and car seat should be at my house by Wednesday. I have a mattress for the crib and I'm about to head out to pick that up from Ikea.

But the best part of my weekend was the fact that I was at Generation Unleashed with a huge group of people. Some I didn't know, some that I got to know and some that I will always know and love. I had a couple problems that I didn't think of this time, I am the girl who is always jumping around and on my knees and up and down. But this year, due to being kicked all the time, needing to use the bathroom and getting hungry every hour... GU was a little different. Not bad, of course not. I sat in the seats and prayed and sang and hung out with everyone. There were some points that I was like "OH! I understand now!!" Great little moments.

But nothing compared to the worship times. Sitting in my chair with my head leaned back, hands on my belly and felling Ryder dancing around. He moved more in the past three days then all the days I have been able to feel him put together. I got to put all my friends hands on my belly and introduce them to the little one growing in me. Lots of smiles and congrats from people I didn't know. And a moment that I just knew it all.

A moment of perfect clarity about Love. I realized I will never understand it fully, no one will. I was sitting there by my Husband, with one kind of love. With my best friend on my other side, a different kind of love. Feeling Ryder kicking and dancing with a bigger kind of love. And I realized that Gods Love is bigger then all of those put together. It's a full and complete love. And from that moment on, every kick was even better. Every kiss meant more. And listening to my friends was different.

I realized that Love is something that grows with everyone everyday. It's different and new and wonderful in it's own way. I don't ever want to have this baby. I want him to just stay in my and grow and move. But at the same time, I want him here in my arms. I want to see his smile and giggle with him. I can't wait to wake up every two hours to hold him close and feed him.

More then anything right now, I can't wait to raise him in the love that I am learning. I can't wait to show him all the different things and teach him about God. I will let him make his own choices about life and religion and relationships... but I will do my best to live the way that I feel is best. Having a relationship with God. Living in the love instead of the rules. I can't wait to see this little guy and see how his life turns out. And I know that I have the best group of family and friends to bring him up in.

Thank you. To all my friends for caring and loving me. Even when it's not easy. Thank you for wanting to help teach Ryder about life and the world. I couldn't and don't want to do this alone. I love each and every one of you.