A new year and a life that is a little crazy.

2011. A brand new year. A lot has happened in the time that I haven't written. A lot in my life, in my heart and in relationships. This is a year of growth and learning in all the different areas of my life. Something that I am working on everyday. To learn who I am and where my path leads. I'm not looking for my path, I know I am on it, but I am looking forward to see what the days will bring me.

I know that some people will judge me for things I say or things I do. But this isn't about that. I know in my heart what is and what is not. I also know all the facts. So if you are going to read this and think to yourself how my life is "wrong" or how I am "messing up" because it's not how you think it should be, unless you have sat down and had hours long conversations with me on any of these subjects, you don't know what you are talking about.

I am 21 weeks pregnant now. More then halfway there. Waiting for a little boy at the start of June. And for that, I couldn't be more excited. I have always wanted to be a mother. I wanted to wait till I was 25 or so to start thinking about it. But this is Gods plan and I know that it will be amazing. I already love this little one more then anything. I love that I can place my hand over my belly and feel him moving. And when I close my eyes at night he is the last one that I'm thinking of. He is perfect and I haven't even met him yet.

Sean and I are what we are. We are trying to make things work but struggling for many different reasons. This is one of those things where if you are close to one of us you will hear and share in this journey. If not, you will see what the outcome is. I'm not going to write a lot about our personal trials on here because it's not something everyone needs to know.

I am living at my dads house again. Struggling with my own things but getting by with help from people I love. We are setting up the nursery in the next 2 months and making sure that the house is ready to bring a baby into. I will be here for about 6 months after the baby is born so that I have help when I am figuring out the whole mom thing. And in those times, I will be leaning on everyone I love and trust.

This new journey isn't going to be easy. It's not going to be clean. But I think I am more ready for all of this then anything before because I know for a fact that I can make it through. I know that it's going to turn out just fine and I will be stronger everyday because of where I have been, where I am and where I am going.