Realizing who I am and want to be.

I have always been a little different then most people. I have had my own ideas about what's "cool" and what's "in". But at the same time, I wanted people to like me. I'm starting to realize more and more that God made me the way I am. And the people that I "want" to like me... they don't matter in the long run. The people who matter are the ones who love me for me, all of me.

My crazy makeup, my wigs and changing hair every couple of weeks. Jeans and heels. My fun (sometimes not so appropriate) shirts. All my tattoos and the need for more. And now that I'm about to be a mom I have been struggling with the need to find a balance between who I was and who I have to be so that I can be a good mother.

But why do I have to change to be a good mom? I think that the good side of all my craziness will be that Ryder will learn not to judge people. That you have to look for the beauty in everything. And sometimes that beauty is unique and amazing. I don't have to change, I just have to be me. And the closer I get to having this little one the more I think about how to balance this new life.

But I have decided that instead of stressing about balance and all that... I'm just going to live. I am going to mother the way I see fit. If that means camping during the summer and road trips on a whim, then that's how it's going to be. I'm not going to change my dreams because I want to teach Ryder to run after the things he wants. I'm going to teach him about the amazing relationships between different people and I am going to push myself to show him the amazing world that God has placed us in together.

I'm very excited.